a day..

on a lonely road where the roads divide i am to chose between security and dreams dreams i must chose for they allow my sanity to prevail choices i must make for they will define the person i become so when the roads divide i will chose the one that calls me and somewhere within me i will know dreams are always right

and then he stumbled upon her laughing,crying, smiling it was only a glimpse then i kept searching she was there deep within me hidden under the layers of corporate chaos as the years entrenched a lot got forgotten, a lot got lost one day in despair , she seeked herself there she was deep within with the fire gone

im back today after a very long time..maybe it was the sheer laziness of trying to crystalise my thoughts and actually putting them down.. a lot has changed between yesterday and today.. came across this line - I will move on. I am sure it will be even easier for you - a perfect synopsis of my thoughts the truth is we try to move on..and sometimes we feel that we have until the boomerang comes back and hits you.. the truth is we are scared of being vulnerable, of admittance, of the right - the wrong...we are scared of shattering the thin glass that we perceive as happiness.. the truth is we pretend strength.. when you face the truth.. you realise how poorly prepared you are for it..it hurts.. after days, months years.. it hurts.. and the paradox is it should not.. the hurt lies in small things..a random conversation..a blog somewhere.. a pic buried in a book.. small notes.. is it possible to love someone the way they are and yet let it hurt so deep? is it possible to demean your self ...

for the last few days, i am sorry.. things are not quite happening the way we want them to.. small things becoming big issues..small moments get forgotten.. caught in the rut of a daily hum and what i want.. have we forgotten to love each other the way we used to.. is anger and tears the only things we offer each other? where are we lost? where are we headed to? i feel lost.. i feel lonely..i feel quietened..silenced.. cant open my heart .. cant be myself.. a shadow of fear lurking somewhere..fear that i may say or do something that might hurt you..that am i placing myself before you or us.. that are you happy..so much self doubt.. will my life turn out like before..living in the shadow of sadness..i want laugh without a worry.. i want to love without a doubt..i just want to be with you..love you.. sometimes late at night i lie awake and watch her sleeping shes lost in peaceful dreams so I turn out the lights and lay there in the dark and the thought crosses my mind if I never wake up ...

something from supi's blog.. i liked it so sharing with all of you.. I want to know what melancholy smells like. Every perfume promises to smell of happiness, suspense etc etc.. But if sadness was to be made into a perfume. That heartbreakingly beautiful and apt smell would be what. I think roses smell of sorrow. It has a far away , distant, worn off scent that makes one burrow their head into the flower to actually be able to smell at properly. I can in my head see roses bleeding colour. supi u write well.. really!!

this a new thing i want to start..not original though..so all of you who do read can add stuff in the comments section and i'll update it.. i have learned, that sometimes you have to smile through the most difficult situations of life. i have learned, that more often than not when relationships end a lot of bitterness remains. i have learned it is difficult to forgive, to let go of your beliefs and expectations! i have learned everyone needs a bit of holding form time to time. i have learned disappointment hurts the hardest. i have learned i can never type have correctly, it always is ahve and then i have to go back to correcting it. i have learned if you wait enough, good things happen. i have learned P is a good person and a dear friend and i should forgive both of us. i have learned that it's okay to let go.

sometimes it is so difficult to tell a lie to hide a chocolate from your mothers eye it's tough to accept that you've made a mistake it's difficult to give Easier to take it's difficult to kill when you conscience speaks some kind of fears always creeps it takes courage to raise your voice to silence the crowd when there is noise it's easy to find faults criticize and differentiate but,it's always difficult to appreciate difficult to love n easier to hate

today..was the judgment day.. and the verdict is out.. ha..i laughed like it dint hurt.. i loved like it dint hurt.. yet there were fingers pointing at me.. i have a screwed up life.. thanks and now don't be a part of it..i read it somewhere - life is not about getting somewhere.. its about what all you give up while on your way there.. so when u do go.. do look back once.. and to all the people's who space i did trespass - sorry.. no offences meant.. peace.. smiles all along..a lesson i learnt is no one is indispensable.. we all are worth giving up.. if not today, may be tomorrow or day after.. i fought otherwise..i felt people are not tings.. they are not dispensable.. so i chose to like people despite the pain many of them gave me.. despite forgetting and moving on. is till hoped for the best for the most.. and they obliterated my memories only..no more dwelling on things gone by.. of deeds.. of pain;-) dance while the music still goes on..

Too much newsprint has already been spent in finding adjectives to describe the last three days. I will not add to it. Now, though this may seem callous, I say so because murder in any form is heinous. Yet, as an Indian society, we have learnt to segregate our response to various forms of murder... Today, if somebody puts a gun to your head and shoots you, that's horror. But, when a mother-in-law burns her daughter-in-law, that's just unfortunate. I hope you see my point. What this attack has done is expose a soft underbelly of a city and a country in ways we have yet to fathom. Of course, politicians are inept. We did not need an assault of this nature to confirm this. My fear is that the assault was just a check to expose our reaction time and offensive force. And sadly, we came up short on both counts. Today, we weep for Karkare and the other police officers. Yet, has anyone noticed that their flak jackets were not equipped to stop a 7.62 cal round from a AK 47. And, if that...

i found this as a sign-off to an email i received and thought it was quite good and uplifting.. "I SHED MY INHIBITIONS. MY FEARS. I TRAVELLED LIGHT !!! I traded my stock options for a lonely planet.My cell phone for a compass.My briefcase for a backpack. I took off. I wandered in the company of tourists,travellers and a guitar as old as me. I learned that people are good,Strangers are fascinating.And that every journey reveals another. I've lost track of time .And perhaps my job and my apartment. But i have my compass and i know it's pointing me in the right direction"

he sits there silently and watches me do my madness then he holds me close and smiles i scream i shout i jump he says im used to u baby everyday i ask him if he loves me 'more than u' its you i belong to, chiku kiss

caught on to Narnia..first saw the two movies and now reading the entire collection..its not wow like HP or LOTR but still nice and fairy taleish in its own way..i always was fascinated with fantasy..a make-believe world where the good wins in the end.. i want an Aslan in my life..like there is Narnia..like he comes when things are going down..like he comes and sets everything right..like he has answers to everything..like the anchor he is..Aslan.. Now you dont smile..at my foolishness or this childlike wish.. i am a child and i want to be one.. atleast i dont have to have answers then.. why is there no real Aslan? rather where is my Aslan? :-( maybe you can answer that one like you always do..

of you an emptiness remains of you a silence remains the words dont come out.. the feelings not understood...remain unheard..misunderstood thoughts get lost in a haze of routines.. a kaliedoscope of memories in the distance i search for you a few smiles..a few tears nothing else remains

i took this from supis blog..but it has a reflection of you and me in this.. nice. we have tried to create a world where we are two children playing together . not knowing what or with whom we will play tommorrow. i confess we love each other silently. pretending that love doesnt exist at all then my adult self kicks in it knows the end it doesnt want him to leave. he leaves anyway

there is so much to talk and so little to say.. i think of all the times i swallowed my angst in quite silence.. i wonder what happiness is all about whether it is about self or the other..never got an answer.. i feel like withdrawing into my cocoon of silence and then i ask myself does one relationship determine everything? yes it does..i found my answer.. "There comes a point in life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore and who always will."