a day..

it's g's bday in 3 days..im feeling a little helpless as what i had planned to do has not gone in order.. still im trying to make the ends meet.. just wish me luck.. i don't want to disappoint myself and not hm either.. love u loads..hugs

for the last few days, i am sorry.. things are not quite happening the way we want them to.. small things becoming big issues..small moments get forgotten.. caught in the rut of a daily hum and what i want.. have we forgotten to love each other the way we used to.. is anger and tears the only things we offer each other? where are we lost? where are we headed to? i feel lost.. i feel lonely..i feel quietened..silenced.. cant open my heart .. cant be myself.. a shadow of fear lurking somewhere..fear that i may say or do something that might hurt you..that am i placing myself before you or us.. that are you happy..so much self doubt.. will my life turn out like before..living in the shadow of sadness..i want laugh without a worry.. i want to love without a doubt..i just want to be with you..love you.. sometimes late at night i lie awake and watch her sleeping shes lost in peaceful dreams so I turn out the lights and lay there in the dark and the thought crosses my mind if I never wake up ...

something i came across.. though don't know the blog id to source :-( anyways here it is.. I was thinking of old friends today and how many of them have slipped away. Moved, got married, or stopped calling so much, Found new friends, got busy, and just lost touch. It reminded me of falling leaves .. Every autumn the leaves fall from the trees. Some stay longer than others, but eventually - Each leaf must fall, I'm told, leaving the tree alone to face the cold. Why is it that in the time of utmost need the leaves would seek to leave the tree? And when we need our friends around we look and they cannot be found? Of course these friendships come and go and in the spring new leaves will grow. But I prefer autumn friends of old with crackling laughter and colors bold. And then I thought of you. That one stubborn leaf that won't let go. That clings despite the winds that blow. Fighting ice, and snow, and winter's stings Hanging on right through till spring. So I guess that...

thanks for being a part of me! :-)

8-jan-09 i have decided that every time i come across something warm and nice. i sahll out it up on my blog.. be it actions, thoughts.. pictures..almost anything.. people who read my blog - your contributions are welcome.. Suju/Sapto i'm sure you have something..wink wink.. yesterday i was tired as hell..close to tears..barely managed to reach thane station and i knew it would be a struggle to find an auto..and there an auto fellow decides to take me to my destination which was minimum fare in spite of two people who wanted to go to ghodbunder road and vasant vihar.. i was impressed and thanked him as i got off..its these small things that make a whole of difference to me..they go unnoticed often but here's a thanks to you mr. autowallah!!also one more thing he did that impressed me was that he let an old lady cross.. stopped the rick for her to pass by..that's not what i see people doing often.. nor do i see myself doing that often.. 12-jan-09 G got me a hippo stuff toy..o...

i am very high on peace be it personal or global.. i don't like conflicts.. i feel i get let down by people soon enough.. two reasons - one is i expect people to understand me entirely, and that too quickly and two because i shower people im close to and love with all emotion.. and then run into problem cos not everyone has time for you or your ideas.. to each his life is important.. where they are in the present is important.. maybe the same holds true for me too.. why this reflection is because of certain two people in the recent past.. no names taken..(if u are reading you will get the drift).. i don't give up on people so soon.. and i don't .. u both know it well! admit it once in a way.. also because i came across two other things..one was a video on youtube.. it is heart wrenching... http://in.youtube.com/watch?v=QDxhXaxcbK4 and this..

something from supi's blog.. i liked it so sharing with all of you.. I want to know what melancholy smells like. Every perfume promises to smell of happiness, suspense etc etc.. But if sadness was to be made into a perfume. That heartbreakingly beautiful and apt smell would be what. I think roses smell of sorrow. It has a far away , distant, worn off scent that makes one burrow their head into the flower to actually be able to smell at properly. I can in my head see roses bleeding colour. supi u write well.. really!!

another one on god today! sent this message to a couple of my friends - My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right? sapto replied, 'maybe jesus loves you' i was just wondering about god and their associations.. let me explain this.. we associate jesus with love and that he will alleviate you fro pain and misery..in that respect jesus is like a mother.. hindu gods are ofetn seen as the mighty warriors..ram, krishna.. i wonder would sapto or anyone say maybe ram loves you or allah loves you?? ram is associated with strength.. with power etc..ganesh too, to a large extent.. krishna doesnt need much explanation.. they are often like fathers.. who tell us to find our own courses.. who we look up to for power, strength.. allah often referred to as the one inducing fear.. even their image representatives are the associations we draw to them.. jesus seen as the benevolent one.. ram as the perfect man...

All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt. Charles M. Schulz

as promised in fact forced into promise by certain ms. more here is my to-do list.. i hate drawing them as they restrict me..its an OCd that till i have knocked of stuff of my to-do list, i feel bugged. 1. to draw up a to-do list 2. type have correctly 3. meet arjun, gautam, supi, rashmi - all of them i want to meet 4. let go of my inhibitions 5. meet gunjan and gang 6. throw some people out of my system completely. wish we had a human flush to drain people and negative emotions out of ourselves. we already have.. dont we?? 7. stick the calendar in my room.. waiting for a calvin n hobbes one. should make one myself. suju, poorti please help!! 8. want to make an origami frog 9. want to scan photos and mail it to friends. found a whole treasure chest yesterday! 10. spend time with mom see how the tone of my post has changed from to.. to want to..;-) ;-)

Did I disappoint you or let you down? Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown? 'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun, Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won. So I took what's mine by eternal right. Took your soul out into the night. It may be over but it won't stop there, I am here for you if you'd only care. You touched my heart you touched my soul. You changed my life and all my goals. And love is blind and that I knew when, My heart was blinded by you. I've kissed your lips and held your hand. Shared your dreams and shared your bed. I know you well, I know your smell. I've been addicted to you. Goodbye my lover. Goodbye my friend. You have been the one. You have been the one for me. I am a dreamer and when i wake, You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take. And as you move on, remember me, Remember us and all we used to be I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile. I've watched you sleeping for a while. I...

this a new thing i want to start..not original though..so all of you who do read can add stuff in the comments section and i'll update it.. i have learned, that sometimes you have to smile through the most difficult situations of life. i have learned, that more often than not when relationships end a lot of bitterness remains. i have learned it is difficult to forgive, to let go of your beliefs and expectations! i have learned everyone needs a bit of holding form time to time. i have learned disappointment hurts the hardest. i have learned i can never type have correctly, it always is ahve and then i have to go back to correcting it. i have learned if you wait enough, good things happen. i have learned P is a good person and a dear friend and i should forgive both of us. i have learned that it's okay to let go.

why is this post called so? do u know what serendipity means.. go google it..i just had an serendipitous(dont know if its the correct usage) moment Serendipity is the effect by which one accidentally discovers something fortunate, especially while looking for something else entirely.. so there i stumbled upon a friend..yes you are.. Ek Parvaaz Dikhayee Di Hai Teri Aawaz Sunayee Di Hai what he said came much later in time.. he knows that..and both of us have adjusted to security of life.. we cant break out of it.. there is too much at a stake.. so we silence our words..emotions.. silence one of my favourite - umm what do i say - emotion?? yes maybe!! so my friend.. what i cannot say for the restrictions that surround us.. i say it here.. i wish we had time before.. to live a life that i did dream of with you.. to laugh with to share with you.. to go places with you.. to get wet in the rain.. i did see of you then with me all along..it was a silent dream i dreamt.. not knowing somewhere ...

sometimes it is so difficult to tell a lie to hide a chocolate from your mothers eye it's tough to accept that you've made a mistake it's difficult to give Easier to take it's difficult to kill when you conscience speaks some kind of fears always creeps it takes courage to raise your voice to silence the crowd when there is noise it's easy to find faults criticize and differentiate but,it's always difficult to appreciate difficult to love n easier to hate

today..was the judgment day.. and the verdict is out.. ha..i laughed like it dint hurt.. i loved like it dint hurt.. yet there were fingers pointing at me.. i have a screwed up life.. thanks and now don't be a part of it..i read it somewhere - life is not about getting somewhere.. its about what all you give up while on your way there.. so when u do go.. do look back once.. and to all the people's who space i did trespass - sorry.. no offences meant.. peace.. smiles all along..a lesson i learnt is no one is indispensable.. we all are worth giving up.. if not today, may be tomorrow or day after.. i fought otherwise..i felt people are not tings.. they are not dispensable.. so i chose to like people despite the pain many of them gave me.. despite forgetting and moving on. is till hoped for the best for the most.. and they obliterated my memories only..no more dwelling on things gone by.. of deeds.. of pain;-) dance while the music still goes on..